An Opportunity to be Stoic: Failing the Driving Test for the Third Time

For most peoples, acquiring a driver license does not come easily. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who finds this kind of endeavour quite challenging.

Today, I took my practical test for my driving license and for the third time, I failed. I feel defeated and deflated to put it mildly. Failure and loosing really hurt. If I may be honest, I felt sad, angry and ashamed, but not so much the first time I failed the test.

While acknowledging my emotions, I also recognise that this defeat is also a chance for me to put stoicism into practice. For the stoics, set backs as this one are perceived not as a loss or a failure but rather an opportunity for change and growth.

In the case of failing my driving exam, it is an opportunity to become a better motorist. This means that I will have more practice. After all, we learn from our mistakes and our failures make our successes even sweeter.

An Article from The Guardian on Stoicism, Macrus Aurelius,

The Guardian: Stoicism in a time of pandemic: how Marcus Aurelius can help

While browsing the internet for some information about Stoicism, I have come across this online article from The Guardian on Stoicism, Marcus Aurelius and the corona pandemic that has affected many aspects of our daily lives.

Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor and one of the proponents of the philosophy of stoicism. Lucky for us, his writing – initially intended as self reflection – has survived and has informed our understanding on stoicism.

The new corona variant, namely, the Omicron, left the Dutch government no choice but to implement what they call a hard lockdown once again. The corona virus has affected many of us.

In times like this, one could really make good use of Stoicism in finding ways to cope up with this crisis. Stoicism for instance teaches us to focus on the things we cannot control and not to worry about things that are beyond our control.

We all do our best to contain the spread of the virus, but there are just so much we could do as group of individuals. So I try not to worry on the the crisis over which I have no influence. Instead, I just focus on my work.

Another teaching of Stoic philosophy that fascinates me is how it views set backs, lost, and crisis. For Stoicism, these events in our lives that we perceived to be tragic are opportunities. For instance, the corona pandemic offers us an opportunity to reflect on what is more important in our lives. It has reminded us of our mortality and we should therefore live our lives to the fullest.

In the face of this crisis, let us be stoic.

Focus, Flow, and Optimal Experience

My day to day objective is pretty straight forward. To focus on what ever I do, so that I attain a state of flow. Today, I have been successful in attaining this objective on two activities I find very important; first at work and second while playing the piano.

In his book titled Flow, Mihaly Csikszenmihalyi asserts that the key to a happy and fulfilling life is being able to experience the state of flow: that we are so focused in what we do that the whole world around us disappears, including our anxieties and troubles. Csikszenmihalyi refers to this as the optimal experience.

But not just any activity will do. One has to engage one’s self in an activity that can enrich one’s life and broaden’s one’s horizon. We challenge ourselves and we become better in what we do. Sometimes, we must be proactive in finding our passion.

It has been a very successful day at work today. I was focused on the task at hand and I did my best. I always perform my task conscientiously. If I am not going to do things properly, then there is no sense of doing them at all. A job well-done gives me a surge of profound happiness.

And there’s my new found hobby, playing the piano. Since August this year, I embarked myself into a new challenge: learning to play the piano. Today, while playing the piano, I have achieved the state of flow. I was in the zone. And if I may says so, I think I am really getting better at it.

The Difference Between Being a Perfectionist and Striving for Perfection

External things are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase now – Marcus Aurelius

What then, is it not possible to be free from faults? It is not possible; but this is possible: to direct your efforts incessantly to being faultless. For we must be content if by never remitting this attention we shall escape at least few errors. – Epictetus, The Discourses

It is quite tricky to find the sweet spot between on the one hand being a perfectionist and on the other hand striving for perfection. The two does not need to be synonymous. When striving for perfection, one has to be vigilant not to be a perfectionist. The former is more focused on the process, the latter on the goal.

Perfection is an unattainable goal and no matter how we try, we will not be perfect. But the pursuit of perfection is more meaningful that being perfect, if being perfect a possibility. Humans are flawed creatures and prone to errors. And mistakes, however undesirably they may be, are tremendous learning opportunities.

More often than not, when we strive for perfection, we got confused between being a perfectionist and striving for perfection. As we strive for perfection, we find ourselves becoming perfectionist. And being perfectionist can be very harmful in one’s mental health. If you are a perfectionist, ask your self, are you being kind to yourself?

I take my work very seriously and I love what I do. What ever I do, I always do my best. But when I make mistakes or become aware of my errors, like I did today, I get deflated and demotivated. Today, when my mistakes at work have been brought to my attention, stress and anxieties have consumed my mind.

But when I take a closer look and asked myself why I felt stressed and anxious when these mistakes are (1) not serious mistakes; (2) are learning opportunity and (3) can be easily rectified, I found out that the stress and anxiety are not caused by mistakes themselves but by embarrassment. In other words, I am worried of how I will look like in front of my peers and superiors.

The stoic school of thoughts teaches us to distinguish the aspects in our lives that are within our control from those who are beyond it. What other people think of me is beyond my control and therefore, I should not waste my energy worrying and obsessing about it. I am stressing myself out for nothing. The focus should be bestowed upon learning from my mistakes and becoming better in performing my duties.

Yes, I made some errors, so what? Mistakes happen and I am not perfect. The most important thing is to learn from them. And besides, what is worse that could happen? Get fired? Oh wait, I cant be fired easily, I have a permanent contract.

A Mental & Emotional Preparation Through a Stoic Mindset

It is Sunday evening as I write this post. I am trying to enjoy the last hours of this weekend and tomorrow, another week will start at work. Time really flies.

Saturday has been busy. I spend most of the day with my dog, had lunch with some friends, did some household chores and other stuffs like reading, writing, and playing the piano. Sunday, I went out for a run with my dog and for the rest, just a lazy day.

All things considered, I had a wonderful weekend. Although Monday makes me anxious a bit and some unnecessary anxious thoughts about work have plagued my mind from time to time (I am after all an anxious person), I am nonetheless ready to start my working week tomorrow.

I will start tackling the day as early as I could. It is a good thing that I am working from home, which saves me time to travel. Tomorrow, as i sit behind my desk, I will wear my game face and be in a stoic mindset: I will focus on my work and will be unmoved by the distractions around me.

The ultimate goal is to achieve what Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi refers to as the optimal experience, which can be achieved by focusing on the task and trying to become better in what ever you do. We attain a state of flow when we are focused in our task – the way athletes are focused on their sports.

Flow theory asserts that we are most happy and our lives most fulfilled when we are able to obtain a state of flow.

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Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: Animated Book Summary

In this video, FightMediocricity has concisely and precisely summarised Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book entitled Flow. This book has really changed my perspective in life. It is a book, that I will not only read, but also study and take to heart. In this book, Csikszentmihalyi reflects on the question human kinds have always asked themselves: How can we have a happy and fulfilling life?

Stoicism For Onion Skinned

If a man has done wrong, the harm is his own. But perhaps he has not done wrong.

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations ix.38

For somebody who has onion skin like myself, the above stoic quote is perhaps the most useful. When I take offence to people’s words and got emotionally hurt with what they say or how they spoke to me, I always think that it tells more about who they are and less about myself. At the same time, I also acknowledge the possibility that they might not mean to hurt me in the first place.

I am a very sensitive person. It is quite easy to hurt me emotionally. One can easily wound me with their unkind words and hostile demeanour. When people are unkind to me, whether directly or implied, I get offended. And I dwell in the bad feelings and thoughts that comes with it.

Blogging for the Sake of Writing

Blogging – along with other social media platform – is one of the way in which one could express one’s self. As a social animals, we have deep seated desires to communicate.

We also want to leave our mark. A way of saying: I have been here. A goal which – among many other platforms – can be achieved by blogging.

This blog that you are now reading is not the only blog I manage. I have kept many blogs in the past that are now in active and still managing two others with their own respective themes, topics, and formats.

When I get inspired, I cannot help but to blog about it. The school of thought of Stoicism has inspired me and here I am blogging about it.

Most Being Stoic With My Best Friend

It is often said that dogs are man’s best friend. And since I have been exposed to the philosophy of stoicism, I have come to realise that my best friend has been helping me all along to be the most stoic version of myself.

When I am with my dog – whether we on a walk, jogging, playing or even just hanging-out – all my worries in the world just disappear. It as though she is helping me to recognise the things in life that are not within my control and focus instead on the task at hand over which I have influence.

One time, I had a conflict with my colleague. She was rude and tactless in the way in which she conveyed her feedback. It was very difficult at that time not to take her criticism personally. It felt like I was being personally attacked, which has gave me so much stress and anxiety.

But with the help of my dog, I was able to be stoic about it. What other people think and how they say what they think is not within my power. It is not even my problem. While walking with my dog, i thought: I have to focus on what is more important. That is to fulfil my task to the best of my ability.

Most dog owners like to think that they are the caretaker of their dogs, but it is important to acknowledge that we are also recipients of their care. I fancy myself sometimes as a dog trainer albeit an amateur one, but now I think that the dog is also training me to be the best stoic version of myself.

Epictetus – How to Be Stoic (Stoicism)

If you are trying to understand the philosophy of Stoicism, this video is a good place to start. In this video, the ideas behind stoic philosophy according to Epictetus. Epictetus’ ideas are very influential in Stoic philosophy.