What a strange day! Although not crazy busy at work unlike in the last few days, there are still a lot of things to be done. And yet, I could not focus today. I am too excited, because I will spend a long weekend in Italy with friends.
Later today, after work, I will be on my way to Amsterdam. Our flight tomorrow is very early so I will spend the night with a good friend of mine. We will go together to the airport and we will meet our other friends there. We are all on the same flight.
This is so exciting. I have been looking forward to this trip for quite a while. I am just so happy like kid. For that, I am grateful.
But of course, this childlike excitement I am experiencing now has a downside: focusing at my work was so difficult. My nerves were all up and hyped and it is making me crazt. I even find myself pacing from one room to another without any intention to do so. It’s a good thing that I work from home today.
Luckily, with some effort, I have managed to force myself to focus on the tasks before me. I was able to complete some tasks, which makes my long weekend more enjoyable. I could really focus enjoying my trip and the company of my friends.
Some thoughts on the dichotomy of control
My entry today made me think about the dichotomy of control I have learned from the ancient philosophy of Stoicism. It brings into question whether I even have any control over my own body and thoughts.
My body feels things over which I have no control. As much as I try my best to control how I feel, that butterfly feeling in my stomach is just too strong.
My mind spin and my thoughts wonder without even being aware of it at first. Before I knew it, my mind has travelled elsewhere as I day dream.
I even find myself pacing without the conscious intention to do so. Standing and walking away from my desk felt almost an uncontrollable impulse.
Are we driving or are we being driven? To what extent are we really in control?
It seems to me that the only thing we can control is our intention. And nothing more.
On Being Stoic 