Do Not Take Things Personally

You have the tendency be overly sensitive. You give other people so much power to hurt you. When the did or said something that you deem to be offensive, you are quick to take it personally.

This is not the kind of person you want to be.

You take yourself too seriously. And more often than not,you indulge yourself in a vicious cycle of over thinking and self pity. Please be aware that this is a very weak and detrimental trait. If you want to be a better person, you should learn how to distance yourself from this propensity.

My dearest friend, know that other people cannot hurt you. Only you can hurt yourself. External factors,such as other people’s actions and words, cannot hurt you. But how you relate and interpret these encounters can.

Stoically Dealing With Stress At Work

From time to time, when things get difficult at work, you get stressed and anxious. The quantity of outstanding tasks can get overwhelming especially when the deadline is looming around. Some of these outstanding tasks are quite complicated that needs time consuming research.

From time to time, you have to make difficult phone calls with unpleasant and unhappy clients. For somebody like you who detest conflicts, these kind of phone calls can be dreadful.

These situations stress you out, especially when you were still new in the organisation. Although your self-confidence has improved, because of the expertise and experience that you have gained over the years, difficult work situations can still overwhelm you at times.

But you know what, as you have learned time and time again, there is actually nothing to worry about. Being stressed at work is a waste of your time and energy, because no matter how out of control work sometimes seems to, you are always able to rise above it.

You are always able to manage your work, however complicated they can be from time to time. The best way to deal with the complexities and challenges at work is to focus on what you can control.

Although you can feel frustrated sometimes, know that this state of frustration is temporary. Eventually, you will be able to overcome the obstacles in front of you as you always do.

Week 3 on Live Like A Stoic: Giving Advice to One’s Self

The exercise for the third week on a Stoic workbook, Live Like A Stoic: 52 Exercises for Cultivating A Good Life, is quite interesting. This week, we will write advices to ourselves on our own problems.

What I find more interesting in this exercise is that we will use the second or third person form. So, instead of writing, ‘I am afraid’, one could write ‘you are afraid’ or John is afraid. In other words, it is like writing letters to ourselves. And I kinda love writing letters.

One of the many Stoic practices is to look into our own situation objectively. And to learn how to give ourselves an advice the way we give others.

A friend of mine was diagnosed with an illness. This diagnosis has changed the way he lives his life. For somebody who is healthy like myself, it is easy to say: that is life. The sooner he accepts his new situation the better his life will be.

But I wonder, if I got the diagnosis myself, will I also be able to say c’est la vie with equanimity? of perhaps, like my friend, I will say: why me?

What we can influence but not completely control: A Stoic Exercise

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The philosophy of Stoicism teaches us to focus our energy and resources to the the things that are under our control. For obvious reasons, there is no sense to worry and obsess about the things in our lives over which we do not have (complete) control. The ancient Stoics refer to this idea as the dichotomy of control.

In a nutshell, the only things that are ultimately under our control are how we think; how we respond and relate to certain events in our lives; and our decisions on what we think is more important to us. In other words: we only have control in the domains that are within ourselves.

We cannot control the opinion of others, how other people respond or react, the outcome of our endeavours, and many others.

But modern Stoics, such as Gregory Lopez and Massimo Pigliucci, through their book entitled Live Like A Stoic: 52 Exercises for Cultivating Good Life, rethinks the Stoic concept of the dichotomy of control by proposing another aspect: The things we can influence but cannot completely control.

This third category can be dissected into two sub-parts: first, the part that we cannot control but influence. For instance: actually winning a match. And second, the part we can control, which may influence the outcome. For instance, doing your best while playing the game.

Week 2 on Live Like A Stoic: The Dichotomy of Control and Beyond

Epictetus, a renowned Stoic philosopher in ancient time, has provided us some insights on how to live a happy and calm life. In order to achieve ataraxia – an ancient greek word for serenity – one should master the dichotomy of control.

On the one hand, there are things in our lives over which we have (complete) control. On the other hand, there are things that are not completely under our control. The dichotomy of control teaches us to focus our time, energy and resources on the former and lean how to make peace with the latter.

However, modern Stoics such as Gregory Lopez and Massimo Pigliucci, rethinks the dichotomy of control by proposing a third category: things we can influence but cannot completely control. This is the theme for the week 2 exercise on their workbook on Stoicism, Live Like A Stoic: 52 Exercises for Cultivating Good Life.

For example, we may want to get promoted, but being actually promoted is not under our control. However, by working hard, we might get actually be promoted. This part is under control (working hard) which may influence the desired outcome (getting the outcome).

Some Thoughts on the Dichotomy of Control

During the first week of the exercises on Living Like A: 52 Exercises for Cultivating a Good Life – a book authored by Gregory Lopez and Massimo Pigliucci – I have reflected on a Stoic concept called the dichotomy of control. I have recounted three experiences of mine last week and listed the aspects of that experience that I can control and what I cannot.

This exercise has been informative as it is illuminating. I have learned that there are some aspects in my daily and mundate life I thought at first I have control, but actually dont. For instance, I have come to realise that I can only control my intention (wanting to focus) and not the outcome (actually being able to concentrate).

By being aware of what I can control and what I cannot, I have become calmer and happier. The Stoic concept of the dichotomy of control – at least for me – is an effective tool in approaching any event or situation that we may come across in our path. This realisation is quite soothing to my emotional and mental health.

Now I am ready to proceed to the next exercise.

Live Like A Stoic Day 3 of Week 1: Too Excited to Focus

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What a strange day! Although not crazy busy at work unlike in the last few days, there are still a lot of things to be done. And yet, I could not focus today. I am too excited, because I will spend a long weekend in Italy with friends.

Later today, after work, I will be on my way to Amsterdam. Our flight tomorrow is very early so I will spend the night with a good friend of mine. We will go together to the airport and we will meet our other friends there. We are all on the same flight.

This is so exciting. I have been looking forward to this trip for quite a while. I am just so happy like kid. For that, I am grateful.

Day 2 of Week1 Live Like A Stoic: When Dealing With Uncooperative Clients

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For today’s Live Like A Stoic exercise, I would like to consider my experience with a client who is unwilling to be cooperative. Uncooperative clients can be quite frustrating.

But the philosophy of Stoicism teaches us to distinguish the things we can control from those we cannot and to focus our time and resources to the former and not to the latter.

Case Study: When People Do Not Respond or Comply

There are some limitations to what we can do to help our clients. If clients do not cooperate, then we will not be able to fully cater to their needs. And then, we will be blamed for not doing our job properly.

Day 1 of Week 1, Live Like A Stoic: When Work Gets Overwhelming

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When swamped with work at the office, it is almost impossible not to feel overwhelmed. In the last few days, I feel exactly this way. My inbox was just overflowing with outstanding tasks that needs to be processed within a certain time period. Everyday, new cases come in and tasks are just piling up.

This is really making me stressed and anxious. I dreaded turning on my laptop this morning, which is sad, given that I love my job so much.

I see the amount of work on my account and I cannot help but feel already deflated and discouraged even before I start. I do not know where to begin. It seems that I am doing a lot and yet not accomplishing anything.

It is not only about the amount of work, but I also have difficult cases that I have.

Live Like A Stoic: A Do Over on A Weekly Exercises on Being Stoic

In my previous two posts, I have mentioned this interesting exercise book on Stoicism. The book is entitled Live Like A Stoic: 52 Exercises for Cultivating A Good Life authored by Massimo Piguliucci and Gregory Lopez.

From the title, one can deduce that there is a designated exercise per week. And the exercises – when done accordingly – will be completed within a year.

The reader – rather, the participant – does not only reflect on the philosophy of Stoicism, but actually practicing to be one. I for one, would like to proactively study this ancient school of thought and put them into practice in my daily life.

I have already attempted to do the first week exercise last week, but this time, I want to do them properly. So here I am, writing a proper introduction.