The philosophy of Stoicism teaches us to focus our energy and resources to the the things that are under our control. For obvious reasons, there is no sense to worry and obsess about the things in our lives over which we do not have (complete) control. The ancient Stoics refer to this idea as the dichotomy of control.
In a nutshell, the only things that are ultimately under our control are how we think; how we respond and relate to certain events in our lives; and our decisions on what we think is more important to us. In other words: we only have control in the domains that are within ourselves.
We cannot control the opinion of others, how other people respond or react, the outcome of our endeavours, and many others.
But modern Stoics, such as Gregory Lopez and Massimo Pigliucci, through their book entitled Live Like A Stoic: 52 Exercises for Cultivating Good Life, rethinks the Stoic concept of the dichotomy of control by proposing another aspect: The things we can influence but cannot completely control.
This third category can be dissected into two sub-parts: first, the part that we cannot control but influence. For instance: actually winning a match. And second, the part we can control, which may influence the outcome. For instance, doing your best while playing the game.
Case Study 1: The Long Road to My Drivers License
It took me four years and five practical exams before I finally managed to acquire my drivers licence. This has been a very frustrating endeavour, which has affected the way I look into myself not to mention the amount of money I already spent to it. Make no mistake, the way to getting a driving licence in a very expensive.
Every failure was a heartbreak and disappointment. This has been a major trigger of my anxiety and stress for a couple of years. It felt like I was driving through a long dark tunnel in which I could not see the light at the end.
While doing my previous four practical exams, I was so focused on the outcome at the expense of my performance. I was focusing on being able to pass the exam and eventually getting my drivers licence to the point that I could not concentrate on the task before me. As a result, I made mistakes that caused me de desired drivers licence.
In this case, what I cannot control is actually getting the drivers licence. What I can control that may influence the outcome is focusing on driving. With this knowledge in my mental tool box, I have managed to pass on my fifth attempt. Furthermore, I did not only succeed, but I actually enjoyed the whole process. I was so focused on what I was doing, that I felt I was in my element that day.
Case Study 2: Getting The Permanent Contract
When I learned that my colleague got a permanent contract and I didn’t, I got angry. I couldn’t understand it. He is not better than I am and I found it quite difficult not to take it personally.
I spoke to my manager about it, but she did not really give me an acceptable reason why my colleague got the contract and I did not.
In order to deal with lost, I always try to process my emotions through carefully considering the situation. It made me think, was I really focused on doing my job? Or was I just stressing about getting that permanent contract?
In this case, I have no control over my manager’s decisions. So I should not allow it to stress me out. Instead, my focus should have been directed to what I can control that may influence the desired outcome: always give my 100% at my work, which I did.
After few months, I received a good news from my manager, that I was granted a permanent contract. And I was elated! But then, getting the permanent contract became a secondary to my sense of happiness and fulfillment. By giving my undivided attention to the task at hand has provided me a different relation to my work. I have become more connected to my work.
Now, I have come to a point in my career that I ought to myself to seek promotion. In this new endeavour, I will apply what I have learned from the philosophy of Stoicism: namely, directing my time and energy not towards I cannot completely control (getting the promotion), but what may influence what I cannot control (providing the best possible performance).
On Being Stoic 